Georgia Holliday Coaching

Should you take it personally when someone unfollows you?

Recently on my Instagram I had a message from someone saying that after listening to my podcast and being a member of The Confidence Collective, (my monthly membership) she had a breakthrough.

The breakthrough was that she no longer felt bad when someone unfollowed her on social media.

I was so proud of her and so excited that my content had helped her with this mindset shift. And it reminded me of how I used to feel crap when someone would unfollow me. So I wanted to talk about this and share the reason why this might be the way you feel as well.

I remember, very vividly one day a couple of years ago I had a full blown meltdown because my content on my Instagram wasn't doing so well and people were unfollowing me. I'm talking full on ugly crying and hyperventilating. My husband Jake literally did not know what to do with me. But we talked it out and after a while I calmed down.

There was obviously something here that I needed to heal and work on. It shouldn't affect me so much that a random stranger on the internet had unfollowed me that I was having a breakdown.

After a lot of soul searching and personal growth I discovered that it was because the act of someone unfollowing me really triggered one of my limiting beliefs ('I'm not important and people don't care what I have to say'). Once I became aware of that connection I got to work to heal that belief.

It is now extremely rare that I feel a certain type of way when it comes to Instagram and people unfollowing me because I stopped placing my worth on something outside of myself.

When you have low self-confidence and self-esteem you tend to place your worth on things that are external. Things like other peoples approval, your weight, a relationship and even the amount of followers you have online.

The problem with this is that when we place our worth on things that are out of our control and outside of ourselves, they can be taken away at any given moment. They are temporary and ever changing which leaves us feeling like we are worthless when they are gone.

So if you are placing your worth and value as a human being on people following you (and essentially giving you external validation and approval via their follow and likes) then when someone unfollows you, you will of course, take it personally and spiral into self-hate. You will feel like them unfollowing you means they don't like you or that you did something wrong. Which of course, you didn't.

So should you take it personally when someone unfollows you?

In short, no.

What I need you to remember is that there are so many reasons someone might unfollow you;

  1. They're not feeling what you post anymore - this is totally up to them and nothing to do with you. We can't be everyone's cup of tea!

  2. Something you've done or said has triggered them - this is not your fault nor your responsibility. A lot of the time people project their own insecurities onto other's which can often result in them being 'turned off' by us or feeling rubbed up the wrong way. This is something you cannot control because you don't know their limiting beliefs and you can't change them. As long as you are not hurting anyone then that's all you can do. Caveat: obviously this doesn't go for things that can directly harm others).

  3. They are having an unfollow spree and want to mix up their feed.

  4. They are looking after their mental health and needed to unfollow some people that trigger them.

  5. They are at a different season in their life and just don't relate to what you post anymore.

It is not personal!

Ask yourself, 'when was the last time I unfollowed someone? What made me unfollow them? Was it personal?' And then remember that everyone else is entitled to that same right of unfollowing whoever they like on their account and it's almost never personal. And as a side note here, if you personally feel bad for unfollowing someone, it is equally important for you to explore that and ask yourself why that is.

Remember: When someone unfollows you, it means you are creating space for the people that DO get you. You are inviting in friendships and relationships with people on your wavelength that vibe with you and love what you're about. And that's amazing! You want to make MORE of this space for those people that are YOUR people right? So that means allowing the others to fall away.

Did you enjoy this article? Then you'll love my monthly membership The Confidence Collective. Each month inside the Collective a new module is released that will support you on your personal growth journey to feeling worthy and confident. Find out more here.

Thank you for reading,

Love Georgia x

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